life lately

Well friends, I suppose I'm currently in that stage of life that many call "the waiting period." Life as of lately has been quite a paradox and filled with a plethora of emotions...I graduated from college, but feel so unaccomplished. I'm so ready for the next stage of my life to kick into gear, but I'm terrified of all the changes that lie ahead. I love being back at home and closest to those I love dearly, but miss my life back in Columbia. I have no idea what lies ahead and so much is unknown, but the one thing I do know (but so often forget) is that I have an incredible Savior who is faithfully leading this stumbling servant through it all.

I'm so thankful that the Lord has helped me diligently train my heart and mind to KNOW that He is in control, despite my circumstances, but inevitably my human flesh would much rather question Him. "Yes, you are in control...so could you please answer me (in the way that I selfishly desire)....quickly??" or "I REALLY could use some direction right about now...have you forgotten about me down here?!" Then just as quickly as I begin my ranting I am jolted back to reality by the Lord saying "Where were you when I laid the earths foundation? Tell me if you understand." (Job 38:4).

Ohhhh yeah. Riiiight. You are Lord and I'm.....umm....not.

This reminder then redirects my focus, making me wonder "So what is it that I'm waiting for?" I mean, aren't we all in some sort of "waiting period"? After talking with a dear friend today, we agreed that it is so easy to get hung up on that one thing that we're waiting for. Are you waiting for that perfect boyfriend/girlfriend? Are you dating Mr. Right and waiting to get engaged? Are you engaged and waiting for marriage? Are you married and waiting for a baby? Another baby? Are you waiting for a job to come along? A better job? The list is endless and unfortunately, it seems that none of us are immune to this vicious cycle....which humbly leads me yet again back to the foot of the Cross where I remember that my Creator didn't intend for it to be this way. Now I'm not saying that marriage, children or jobs are bad things...I believe that they are certainly blessings...but I don't think that they were intended to be my source of peace and joy. I don't believe that God purposefully withholds things from us to make our life "better" later on. I believe that the Lord ALWAYS gives us His best, but what is His best and what we deem is best for us at any given time might not always line up. I believe that we were created to find our deepest value, our truest peace, and our utmost joy in His presence and the best news of it all....He doesn't make us wait for that. His presence is constant and everlasting. His presence is my refuge. His presence brings rest to my soul. And when I actually savor His presence instead of stubbornly ignoring it, waiting doesn't seem all that bad after all.
"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." (Psalm 62:1-2)